HOSEA (A Reflection)

            “Long have I waited for your coming home to Me…”

The lyrics of the song Hosea written above keep repeating inside my head. It is what guides reminds me of His longing for me. I, too, longed for Him. I’ve been waiting to attend in any recollection or seminar on spirituality for about ten long months. Now that I’ve finally been through it, I can say it’s all worth the wait. And now, I’ve decided to start my life anew. Thanks be to God.

          The questions during the first session of the recollection startled me, especially that one which made me ponder: What is my id quid volo? Something stirred in my heart when the facilitator, Kuya Jhong, wrote down the meaning of those words: that which I desire. Desire? What do I truly desire? I asked myself. I paused, just like everyone else, and recollected all that had happened to me, especially those recent ones. I remember mostly the negative memories—my failures, my doubts, my mistakes, etc. A picture of the Red Mass flashed on my mind, and I remembered Fr. Jett’s message on returning. That’s it, I thought, I need to return to the One where I came from. And from then on, my tears never stopped falling until it was my turn to share my answers to the group. The sharing wasn’t that explicit, but I felt relieved afterwards.

          Even though I had shared a part of me to the group, I still felt that there was something missing. And thanks to the recollection and Kuya Jhong who facilitated it for us, we had been given the opportunity to pray in silence to the Lord.  During the 27-minute prayer, I couldn’t hold back my tears for I clearly heard the Lord speaking to me through the scripture. It was as if I was reading a love letter from a very passionate and obsessed lover: God. And this was what he told me: You are still beautiful in my eyes. After all the mistakes that I have done (and He knows all of them), why do I still hear those loving words from Him? Why does He still accept my being me? Doesn’t He get tired of hearing my repetitive “sorry’s”? I felt His embrace around me, but I felt I can’t receive it all because I felt ashamed of myself. I felt undeserving. I knew He made it all clear to me—that He loves me still and for always—but I found it hard to accept that reality because of the mistakes I have done in the past. As a Catholic, I felt I need a confession. He heard my plea and gave it to me.

          Finally, after the confession, I felt I can fully welcome Him into my life. I never felt ashamed anymore, and all the bad memories I had were erased in my mind just as quickly as when He gave that assuring smile and warm embrace after the confession. Long have I waited for my coming home to Him, and longer has He waited for me to return to Him. May He continue to inspire me to live on with my life with Him in prayer, faith and love, as I also continue to do my part in His plan for me. AmDg.